You do not choose your family, they say, but perhaps we choose still less its blended family. If it was the heyday of the television series, idyllic version of the life of these new tribes is not as rosy as we would like to believe. Jealousies to arbitrate, difficulty finding its place questions on authority, are all challenges everyday.
Recognizing the impossibility and dangers it would be to deliver ready-made, we tried to understand the different issues and psychologists propose benchmarks to better understand the role of each. To make the most harmonious life together.
The arrival of the new spouse in the family
Children need time to accept to link with an adult, especially when it is the spouse of his parent. Before hosting it at home full time, we must speak with him at length: what does he think? What are its a priori? his concerns? If he does not decide the privacy of his parents, he is concerned with the family changes. And feelings (fear, rejection) must be listened to. The meeting with the new spouse should never be the result of an “arranged randomly.”
It must be assumed and have a formal side, as it allows the conclusion of discussions and draws a new framework for the child. It is obvious that the choice of the circumstances must put everyone at ease (meals, exit …), starting with the stepparent future, because it is first of it will depend envy of child to invest in this new relationship. We will present it as “the friend (e) Mom (Dad)”; the child should not feel obliged to accept it immediately as a stepparent. Be avoided to question him about his first impression. “You (the) find fun? “Is not trivial. We must let the child the space and time to develop an individual against individual with his stepparent future.
Place the stepparent
In order to structure the child needs to understand that her step-parent is not a buddy or an equal, but an adult, on which he can rely and which, in exchange, it must respect and obedience. The step-parent has an educational role and, at a minimum, the duty of authority and protection, without replacing the father or the mother. In this relationship – that will depend on what he feels ready to invest and what the child needs to come to him – the role of this parent is decisive. He must help her husband to take his place in the family, empowering it and leaving her initiatives in family life.